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Help…Abducted By Somalian Pirates!

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I haven’t done much constructive lately since I’ve been kind of busy the past several days. Truth to tell, I’ve been learning to use my early Christmas present my mom insisted I have as a tool for helping both my writing and promoting my cause at the upcoming Music City Liberty Fest, a spiffy Asus Infinity tablet.

It should come in awfully handy to play all the endorsement videos on YouTube my friends have made for me, along with taking good quality photos and video. I can do all the stuff I’ll need to reflexively now, without fumbling around. Never can tell when a great photo or video opportunity will come up, right?

Apart from that, I’ve been thinking about the reactions I’ve seen from some readers. I suspect that much of the time they just can’t get why I need this vehicle modification to get my life moving again. Often they’ll advise me to get some inexpensive beatermobile I can’t use since getting into the drivers’ seat from the rear would be impossible with my utterly unreliable balance. Others offer the good advice of dietary change…which isn’t going to happen until I get out myself; the nice woman who does my light housekeeping and marketing is only familiar with big name stores and wouldn’t have the time for an extra shopping trip every week.

No foul here, it’s difficult for healthy people to even imagine, much less understand how screwed up my body is thanks to MS. But how to convey the message in a simple and effective analogy?

After some thought, the obvious hit me: if folks can’t grasp the nuances of disability, an alternative model is to think of me as being abducted and held for ransom. By Somalian pirates. There’s no reasoning or arguing with them and the only way to secure my escape from the 3.5+ years of confinement is to raise that ransom and pay off these scoundrels.

Somalian pirates are desperate characters, justly notorious for their rapacious ways, and I’m afraid there’s just no other way to get out of their clutches than to pay them off.

So if the whole disability thing is too alien a concept for comfort, just think of it as a situation where I’m being held captive until the Somalian pirates get their due. We’re close to the halfway mark, won’t you good people get me out of this bind? Would you want to be at the mercy of a rogue like this?

HELP!

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